My cousin Is six.I was talking to him the other day and i said What do you want to be when you’re older?
He looked at me and went “A Unicorn”
And I was like “Why is that?”
“So I can stab people with my head”
(Source: hammyisawesome, via stay-here-forever-with-me)
(Source: awesomephilia, via xxcoolstorybroxx)
(Source: 7lulz.com, via xxcoolstorybroxx)
| tourist: | could you give us directions to Olive Garden? |
|---|---|
| new yorker: | no, but i could give you directions to an actual Italian restaurant lol |
| tourist: | oh you think your clever??? |
| new yorker: | what |
| tourist: | i'm going to meet my dying neice and she happens to love olive garden so her whole family is going to eat with her so she'll have a few moments of happiness |
| new yorker: | oh... oh god i'm so sor |
| tourist: | no shut the fuck up you piece of shit. i'll find it myself |
| the tourist drives off and the new yorker is left to think about his life choices and his decision to be a giant condescending asshole |
(via xxcoolstorybroxx)
(Source: living-death, via xxcoolstorybroxx)
(via xxcoolstorybroxx)
what their idea of a fun weekend is:
mine:
how they hangout with friends:
how I hangout with friends:
they sleep around:
what I do with my time:
I’m so respectful and good when I’m around adults I’m like:
they’re like:
their mom says “NO”, they react by doing this:
If I did that my mother would do this:
and my mother says I AM OUT OF CONTROL
(Source: wejussomemothafuckenkids, via xxcoolstorybroxx)
(Source: yasnea, via xxcoolstorybroxx)
Have you ever noticed how horrifying those smiley french fries are in groups?
they’re like
you’re burning us alive
our insides are melting
hELP US
(Source: iboughtafuckinggateau, via xxcoolstorybroxx)
